if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
