Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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