Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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