Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
