I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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