I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
