my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
