You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
