I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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