Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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