Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
