I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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