WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
