dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
