By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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