Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
