why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Is it because I queefed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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