1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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