someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
