He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
