Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
