I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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