He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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