You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
