3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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