drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
