Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
