just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
