Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
