i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
