i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
