Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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