I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
