Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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