My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
