chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
