No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
