whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
