I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
