I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
There are leaves in my underwear?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
