So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
