Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
did you just send me my own nude
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
