Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
