The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
