Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
