Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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