I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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