Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How does one acquire holy water?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
