She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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