Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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