meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
