last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
