a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We need to get me chipped asap
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
