Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
