I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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