There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
