She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
