are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
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i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
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Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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