you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
