Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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