I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
