i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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