I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
