This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
