The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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