I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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