So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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