dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
