Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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