I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize