My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
