There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
