My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
