Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
