new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
