She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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